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FIND OUT WHY ALL OF THESE GREAT COMPANIES HAVE CHOSEN US AS THEIR SOLUTION

Nancy’s Business FLOURISHED Thanks to Her Own Fragment of the Damned
 

 

Nancy’s Flower Shop was in some seriously dire straits! Her next-day flower delivery service wasn’t getting the online traction it needed. Just as she was beginning to run out of rope, a one-eyed fragment of incredible might materialized in her sink.
 
“With my own ancient antiquity in hand, new customers began to appear overnight! I couldn’t keep up with the orders! That’s mostly because I was really slowed down by the fact that they all communicated in an ancient script, the very appearance of which fills me with a subtle terror. But my gosh, the sales!”
 

 

How to Obtain Such an Artifact
Ready to get started, yet not currently in possession of an object that can summon the forces that wait beyond The Wall Which Must Never Be Breached? It’s not like you can just grab one at the convenience store, after all!
 
One of our in-house Artifact Arbiters would be happy to help you organize a guided expedition to the Forgotten Ruins of the Howling Hands, where these incomprehensible heirlooms may be unearthed. Alternatively, CostCo has them in 4-packs for $19.99.

The “NOW YOU’RE MARKETING WITH (INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS) POWER” Course:

A 5-day Guide to Controlling What Cannot be Controlled
 
Day 1
Setting Up Your Brand New Relic of Imbued Evil
Day 2
Hushing the Murmurs That Do Not Cease
Day 3
Integrating with Marketo
Day 4
Productivity Tips For You and Your New Pet
Day 5
Email Marketing! And the Endless Void That Awaits

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